Why the “Customer Experience” is like selling Snake Oil

I wrote this in 2014, it's a truth I wish Karens understood.

Yes, I’ve been away far too long….. Today I found myself fuming on an inherent flaw in how major retailers operate their business. This will probably seem more like a rambling rant instead of a coherent chain of thought so if you are so inclined, hang in there and follow along.

Lets get something out-of-the-way first….. Hey! You! Mr/Mrs valued customer! Wanna know a little secret? YOU DO NOT MATTER AT ALL like our parent company would like to make you think you do. As a matter of fact you really do not matter at all unless you take the time to complain about the “service” you received. The reality is that you are just a mere blip on the radar, a dollar sign and an increase of a basis point. You are just wayward cattle herding into the stores to gluttonly purchase products made in China you probably do not even need to begin with. There, that's the facts folks, sorry that it may be a bitter pill to swallow but it’s just reality in retail.

I know that as flawed humans we all want to feel that we are important to something/someones success and I understand that. However, if you stopped shopping in my store tomorrow some other retail shopping zombie will quickly fill the void of your absence. It’s just dollars that we are after. We are not after your allegiance nor your souls and we will surely open tomorrow if you do not shop with us today. Where am I going with this? I’m not really sure but it feels nice to just tell the truth, it’s very gratifying and liberating. So how many of you out there, present company included, have had this exact thought???? I’m sure many of us have….. Now, let me explain why this question even exists.

So most retailers have somewhere hidden on their webpages their “customer commitment” or “mission statement”. It’s always some sort of blah, blah, blah we provide excellent service etc…. The true facts are that this is a lie. Here’s how a business will truly operate. Let’s say business is down, companies aren’t meeting sales expectations and they have to find a way to make their shareholders believe they are trying to improve profitability. If you work in retail you will be familiar with a report that is known as a “Profit and Loss” statement. For those of you that are not familiar it is quite similar to how you balance your checkbook. Each report lists what they call “fixed” expenses i.e. charges that never change. This normally contains the charges for the rent of the building, repairs, shrink allocations and so forth. The other category is what they like to call “controllable expenses”. This is the category that directly impacts the “customer experience”. How does it affect the “customer experience”? Quite simply put, as with EVERY MAJOR RETAILER, the amount of bodies in the store that are there to provide you with “world class customer service” are in fact the very first things a company will cut to increase profitability. This is what I meant about “you do not matter” for if you did they would not cut those there to serve YOU THE CUSTOMER.

So please keep this in mind when you feel the need to berate Sally-Jo cashier because she’s the only one open and there's a line. Process this information fully before you ask to speak to a manager and want to vent about how he/she cannot run the operation even though you have zero clue how it works. Please, we would really appreciate it. Have you ever wondered why the phrase “the customer is always right” exists? It’s because corporations would rather throw a $25 gift card at you to appease you than to admit they consider customer service a controllable expense.

Like I said, you do not matter, so do not get it twisted, you are nothing but a dollar into a great big bank account. A giant faceless and nameless dollar to the pot.

The next time you find yourself in a 60,000 square foot retail establishment and cannot find anyone to help you find that trinket from China you are looking for consider the following. Instead of berating what few people are in the store call up the corporate office and ask why they do not staff for customer service. Be the bigger person and do not accept the gift card bribe and dig into why they see people as a controllable expense? We are trained to do the best with what we have and we are sincerely sorry it may not meet your expectations but the problem does not lie with us. The problem is that if you were so very important, like these retailers want to brainwash you into believing, then there would be someone there to help you in your travels. Take issue with those folks not the ones who bear the brunt of your frustration. Chances are that we're just as frustrated as you because of it to begin with.